Hello, my friends. It’s been a while since I checked in. I’ve been observing more moments of quiet internetting, poking around here and there more than writing. I’ve found myself less inclined to speak lately, learning more from listening. If you’re social, have you ever tried it? You should try. You learn a lot when you simply listen and hold your tongue. Over the past weekend, I was in plenty of places where I could do just that.
We had a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend on Friday, followed by a beer tasting event (at my house) the next evening. In those moments, I gave myself time to reflect on my role in a conversation.
On Saturday night, I quickly realized how difficult it was for me to remain quiet – and not only because of my own doing. People seem to continually rope me into conversations. I don’t say that phrase in a negative way. More so, they reference me, or speak directly to me. I guess these are how conversations generally operate. But when you’re purposefully trying to be quiet, it becomes difficult. I couldn’t help but respond, smiling, thinking how wonderful it was that they cared about a thought I had.
On Sunday, there was more beautiful noise spent with some family members. You can’t be quiet with children. You just can’t. It proved to be impossible on Sunday, with the continuous questions, actions, and movements. By the end of the day, I couldn’t wait to wrap the covers around me and the boyfriend and watch mindless, stupid TV. Which is what I did.
Then, on Monday – it came. Pure, complete silence. I shut myself off from the world for the evening and let my mind just relax. After weeks of doing a lot, saying too much, and worrying about things I couldn’t control – I gave up. I gave in. I watched 1.5 terrible movies on Netflix, all the while drifting in and out of sleep on my brown sofa loveseat. I responded casually to text messages, with honesty, and then turned my phone on silent. I retreated inside, and although it was slightly scary – I came out on the other side this morning.
So for those of you who are doing too much these days, your ears exploding with sound, your brains filled to capacity with doubt, fear, worry and anxiety, remember this phrase:
I know that for some the holidays can prove to be trying. But if you keep this mantra with you, the holiday can be a tad more enjoyable. As my favorite yoga instructor says, the holidays provide us with a time to listen to our family’s song. Listen to the way their voices create a rhythm, the way they harmonize. Sit back. Enjoy the ride. And listen.
The more I listen to melodies, the stronger my heart feels. And I need to strengthen it right now, for various reasons. Which is why from now until Thanksgiving break (beginning tomorrow, approximately 3 p.m.), I am going to keep my mouth shut and listen. Good thing I finally brought headphones to the office, and exists.
Happy holidays from my quiet heart to yours.