in search of: a healthy me

It should come as no surprise that (like everyone else around here) that I’ve come back from Thanksgiving feeling full.

I’ve been filled up in many good ways: filled with love; filled with good food, company, and conversation; filled with a certain holiday and fall spirit.

But I’m also feeling overly full in a few ways too. I’ve been overly indulgent. I’ve been splurging. Eating too much. Spending too much. Wasting time that could be fulfilling.

Like so many of you out there, I aim toward a balanced lifestyle. With some extra time to meditate over the past week, I’ve realized that I’m currently out of balance. Even if an tells me that I’m doing okay, I still feel a need for change.

Mentally, I feel I’m at the best I’ve been in years. My work is rewarding. My personal writing seems to be improving, little by little. I’m in love with a good man. Most of my relationships with others are healthy and happy. I feel I’ve really come into my own, have really become Rose.

However, physically, I feel different. Some recent changes have caused me to put on a few pounds, and they are nagging. I’m not the type of person that fixates on weight for looks purposes. I do, however, fixate on my health. And when I begin to feel unhealthy, I try and look at the root of the problem, where it began.

I’ve said it before, but I really took a long, extended vacation after I graduated from graduate school. I truly stopped caring about my health. It began feeling challenging, bothersome, and not worth the effort. Now, 10 pounds more later, my attitude is changing. I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. I want this to change. I’m done with the vacation, completely.

Not only do I want to be mentally happy, but I want my body to feel worked and used. I want to feel strong and healthy again. I want to lay my head down at the end of the night with the feeling that I accomplished almost everything I could in that one day.

So, I’m going to start making some changes. They aren’t going to be easy. I’m going to miss snacking on potato chips (in large quantities) when I’m anxious. I’m going to miss skipping a workout on the weekend because “it’s the weekend.” I’m going to miss all of the unhealthy habits I’ve acquired over the years.

But at the same time, I’m not going to miss them at all. Because at my best Rose, I am a healthy Rose. Thankfully, I have support from the important people in my life to get back to my true healthy roots. I hope those of you reading are in that same category as well.



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15 Comments on “in search of: a healthy me”

  1. November 28, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    I loved this post Rose. I believe in becoming better versions of ourselves. I too want to become a healthier version of me. Good luck!

  2. November 28, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    Such a good reason behind your changes here Rose. I too wish to feel completely healthy again, inside and out, but have to admit that I sometimes want it for vanity purposes. That you for the reminder that there are more important things in life than physical appearance.

    • November 28, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

      You are not alone in admitting this. I do, from time to time, have issues with appearance too. I think that’s human nature.

  3. November 28, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    I’ve became somewhat overly full too in these past few weeks. Thank you for inspiring my next blog post and the last month of a wonderfully filling year :)

    • November 28, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

      Happy to help. And excited to read.

  4. November 28, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    I just wrote something kinda sorta similar on my blog. Even though I feel like I am healthy, I don’t feel comfortable in my body right now.

  5. November 28, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    <3 Since last year, with getting burned out from distance running, then my hip injury and taking on school, exercise has slacked for me. I have gained weight which I'm okay with. I feel I look better. However I'm not strong like I used to be and I want that to change. December is going to be the start of new beginnings for me. I've got your back Rose. :) We can keep each other accountable.

  6. November 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

    I am feeling the same way Rose, with a hip injury preventing me from even walking, biking and running, I’m feeling it. Thank you for putting that “feeling” into a more positive and healthy perspective than the negative one I would usually create.

  7. November 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    How hard it is to get all the pieces in place. Exercise is often the easiest thing to overlook….too tired, too late in the day, not enough time. Well, you know all the excuses. Do what you can and be happy with it.

  8. November 29, 2011 at 1:44 am #

    Rose, you’re really wise and totally inspiring. I can REALLY relate to the tendency to push food in to reduce anxious feelings. I admire how in touch you are with the workings of your body and how you actually feel – how that isn’t bound by dietary rules – that is something to celebrate. Go ahead with your goals, girl!
    P.S. Loving a good man = weight gain

  9. November 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    Love the last paragraph!

    I agree with Erin, you are so reflective of yourself and that’s an amazing trait. It will serve you well as you move to a “healthier” Rose! (I put that in quotes because you always come across and incredibly healthy to me, though I understand we can always move forward!).

    • November 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

      You ladies (erin too!) are so good to me. You just reminded me that this IS pretty reflective. Sometimes I just write until I understand myself better, I guess. :)

  10. November 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    Reblogged this on .

  11. December 2, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    I totally agree with Erin and Susan… I really admire your ability to reflect, listen and be mindful about your feelings.

    I have a really hard time trusting my voice, and finding balance. I either think I’m being too hard, or too easy on myself, and I can always talk myself to go either which way! It can be frustrating!! I have found meditation to be really helpful for me though.

    hope you have a great weekend!!! Thanks for the great post.


  1. - December 2, 2011

    [...] writing my coming out post about finding my inner healthy me, I’ve been hard at work coming up with a healthy living [...]

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