Hey.All you late 20-somethings. My friends, my companions. I’m writing this post for you. I mean, I’m writing it for me too. But that’s because I think I’m in the midst of what’s called a Saturn Return. In the past month, three people have noted that I might be experiencing this, and the frequency with which it’s been discussed has given me enough ammunition to write a post. I thought it might help you, too.
A Saturn Return is the time when the planet Saturn comes back to meet your natal Saturn. It takes the planet about 29.5 years to return to where it was when I/you/whoever was born. This movement seems to spark a time of questioning. You’re nearing 30 years old, wondering what the hell you’ve been doing, and how it all stacks up. Is your career where you want it? How about that relationship you’re in? What about those back-burner goals? It’s a chance to re-evaluate some of the choices we made before we really knew who we were. It is during this time that some of our choices may seem out of sync with our “true destiny.” “If nothing’s been sown, and therefore, very little reaped, you’ll realize it’s time to get busy.”
Without going into a ton of detail, I feel my soul nestled in the throws of a Saturn Return. Things are starting to feel weird. I’ve found myself evaluating everything: my job, my town, my goals, my friends, my relationship. Am I giving to all of those parts equally? And more importantly – am I reaping the happiness I so strive for and deserve?
The more I think about my life as I near 28, the more I question my choices. I have very few regrets of what I’ve done over the past few years. In fact, I’ve had many accomplishments. In this decade, I’ve earned two degrees. I’ve held down several jobs, been promoted. I’ve moved and lived in different cities. I’ve traveled and created and eaten up so much goodness. And along the way, I’ve been touched by the lives of others – and I’ve even had an impact on a few folks, too.
But I know – in my heart of hearts – that something is missing. This all isn’t fitting together quite right. I strive every day to accept the path I’m on, stay present and focused in the moment. But I can tell something is off. And I’m hoping that I can soon discover what that thing is.
About a month ago, I met with my yoga instructor for a bit of wellness coaching. My roommate, Cat, went through a similar process last year. Kendell and I reviewed my life, looking at it as a wheel, and I was instructed to give the different parts a score. It quickly became evident what parts were lacking and which were thriving. She created a personal yoga set for me, along with a daily kriya/meditation. Basically, it’s seven yoga poses with 12 minutes of singing/chanting. My mantra is guru guru way-hey guru guru ram das guru. This mantra is for protection of any physical, mental, or circumstantial situations. In the midst of trial, this mantra can rescue. This is the mantra of humility that brings emergency saving grace and spiritual guiding light.
I’m only on day 4 out of 40 of my kriya,but I can tell that it’s working. I’m seeing my life and the world in much different light. I can finally see all those things that happen daily and figure out why. It’s all starting to unfold before my eyes.
Of course, this kriya may not solve my Saturn Return. Part of me thinks I’ll always have this internal self-questioning. That it’s just part of my nature to worry, stress, be anxious. I try and tame those sides of myself, but they still exist in the deepest parts of me. Maybe labeling this a Saturn Return is just my way of coping with the fact that I will always be striving toward something better. Perhaps I will always struggle with the idea of feeling content or settled. Either way, I know this feels good in the moment.