Hey.All you late 20-somethings. My friends, my companions. I’m writing this post for you. I mean, I’m writing it for me too. But that’s because I think I’m in the midst of what’s called a Saturn Return. In the past month, three people have noted that I might be experiencing this, and the frequency with which it’s been discussed has given me enough ammunition to write a post. I thought it might help you, too.
A Saturn Return is the time when the planet Saturn comes back to meet your natal Saturn. It takes the planet about 29.5 years to return to where it was when I/you/whoever was born. This movement seems to spark a time of questioning. You’re nearing 30 years old, wondering what the hell you’ve been doing, and how it all stacks up. Is your career where you want it? How about that relationship you’re in? What about those back-burner goals? It’s a chance to re-evaluate some of the choices we made before we really knew who we were. It is during this time that some of our choices may seem out of sync with our “true destiny.” “If nothing’s been sown, and therefore, very little reaped, you’ll realize it’s time to get busy.”
Without going into a ton of detail, I feel my soul nestled in the throws of a Saturn Return. Things are starting to feel weird. I’ve found myself evaluating everything: my job, my town, my goals, my friends, my relationship. Am I giving to all of those parts equally? And more importantly – am I reaping the happiness I so strive for and deserve?
The more I think about my life as I near 28, the more I question my choices. I have very few regrets of what I’ve done over the past few years. In fact, I’ve had many accomplishments. In this decade, I’ve earned two degrees. I’ve held down several jobs, been promoted. I’ve moved and lived in different cities. I’ve traveled and created and eaten up so much goodness. And along the way, I’ve been touched by the lives of others – and I’ve even had an impact on a few folks, too.
But I know – in my heart of hearts – that something is missing. This all isn’t fitting together quite right. I strive every day to accept the path I’m on, stay present and focused in the moment. But I can tell something is off. And I’m hoping that I can soon discover what that thing is.
About a month ago, I met with my yoga instructor for a bit of wellness coaching. My roommate, Cat, went through a similar process last year. Kendell and I reviewed my life, looking at it as a wheel, and I was instructed to give the different parts a score. It quickly became evident what parts were lacking and which were thriving. She created a personal yoga set for me, along with a daily kriya/meditation. Basically, it’s seven yoga poses with 12 minutes of singing/chanting. My mantra is guru guru way-hey guru guru ram das guru. This mantra is for protection of any physical, mental, or circumstantial situations. In the midst of trial, this mantra can rescue. This is the mantra of humility that brings emergency saving grace and spiritual guiding light.
I’m only on day 4 out of 40 of my kriya,but I can tell that it’s working. I’m seeing my life and the world in much different light. I can finally see all those things that happen daily and figure out why. It’s all starting to unfold before my eyes.
Of course, this kriya may not solve my Saturn Return. Part of me thinks I’ll always have this internal self-questioning. That it’s just part of my nature to worry, stress, be anxious. I try and tame those sides of myself, but they still exist in the deepest parts of me. Maybe labeling this a Saturn Return is just my way of coping with the fact that I will always be striving toward something better. Perhaps I will always struggle with the idea of feeling content or settled. Either way, I know this feels good in the moment.
This is so interesting, Rose – thank you for sharing! I’m going to have to look further into Saturn Return. I’m not at 29.5 years yet but am certainly going through the symptoms. More lately than ever. Part of me wonders if it’s in my nature, too, but that’s not to say there aren’t things that can be done to push through it.
I’m really glad to hear that your kriya (yet another new term to me) is helping you see the world differently. I look forward to hearing where you’re at after day 40.
I think this decade is just an extreme time of change, and my the end of it we’re left questioning the whole thing. Makes sense that we may question it along the way, too
Thanks for writing, Jenn. I have been meaning to email you back!
You’re kind of amazing, Rose.
Best of luck with everything as you continue with your daily kriya. I am trying to integrate consistent meditation into my life as well.
I think YOU are kind of amazing. Thanks, lady. Glad to know others out there are striving for the same kind of peacefulness.
I think I will always be looking for some sort of fulfillment as well. I think that’s natural for people like us who need to understand everything we do and analyze all of our decisions. It creates ambition and although it can also create unrest, it’s what keeps us challenging ourselves and learning new things. I’m so glad you’re able to appreciate your Saturn Return and find peace in it. As usual, such a wonderful and inspiring post.
Even though I have yet to reach the age of a saturn return, I find this so fascinating! I’m glad to hear you are practicing meditation/mindfulness. I personally find it so healing and just as enlightening as a good therapy session. I hope it helps you find out the “it”.